The need of a infant

At mass yesterday a baby was crying; I was wondering what can I learn from this.  Trying to regain focus I visualized myself back in time at the cross screaming "crucify him" with the crowd.   First I seen myself from the shoulder of Christ; I heard myself so clearly and felt disgust.  Then I heard and seen myself from the senses of Christ, we the crowd was crying and screaming from being soiled and hungry.  Infants was the crowd, the infants was the children of God.

tapping toes

 So much to post, so much more to translate.  So many notes to reflect on, so much glass to clean.   I am overwhelmed on a daily basis and this is ok, I will keep pushing, pulling for an opening for grace.  Thinking is a better friend with action and honesty, thinking alone will become a bubble of knowing and will eventually become lost.  Mass is the perfect prayer; we contemplate with action and ideas; we are fed with traditions instituted by Christ.  I served at Mass today; I stared at the Divine Mercy poster on the back wall, the tabernacle in a reflection and the Eurcharist during consecration.  Force is not needed as much, just let go and let God take over.  Took so much force to get here but I control my feet with my mind when my heart is not in tune.  Music is everywhere, mass is music.  We will not dance everyday but we should try to listen, hear and sense the rhythm.  

Holy Week

     The Creator of all in human form is Jesus, (Third Part of the Trinity, the Son, the One of Always, the I AM) came, died and rose over love for us.

      Knowing alone caused dry branches with few blossoms; the tree of knowledge was not tapped into the Well that will never dry.

      On the cross Jesus said, "I thirst" because we were so thirsty, on his death He said, "it is done" giving us a new beginning, resurrection said, "I love you" giving us hope.

      God is infallible; disobedience is sin and division is pain.  God heals, embraces our division with suffering and love; God's infallibility, consistency and forgiveness proves the righteousness of obiendence and sacrifice.
   
     I broke, God paid and the guilty become the innocent.   Hallelujah! Infallibility cannot be questioned!  God's is maddly in love with us and gave us the gift of redemption but also the gift of faith.  Now is a time of faith; faith given with obiendence is more righteousness than faith given with sacrifice.

Entendí muy poco

  Every Sunday in Defiance a bilingual mass is offered and I was greatly humbled.   No words were understood and I could not keep the tempo.  But soon I relized that this mass is important because I am being trained to hear the metaphorical music of the mass not just the words.  The closer we are to mass the more nutrition we can a absorb.   So many years I accepted canned tomatoes, now I can smell the tomato plants and one day I hope to pick a tomato.

Personal perspective trying to see a reflection

We start reminded that we are family; then we are assured that we are not perfect. We praise, we prepare and our ears open; our hearts are pollinated like a flower. The first reading sets a tone, the second holds the emotions of the psalm reading; the beginning prepares us for the good news. The Gospel must intellectually be viewed if we hear a name; must be personally viewed if we don't and always to be visualized. Father speaks and tries to spread hope; joy and strength are the tools I connect most deeply. Then we offer what is in our hearts and provisions. “Oh Guardian angel guide and carry my prayer; I am ignorant and weak, please help me not fall into stupidity.” Singing is happening but I don’t connect with this song; I would force myself to sing, but I am too busy writing. The gifts seen and unseen are on the alter, I pray that my heart grows today; I feel more beautiful and ugly everyday. We ask for blessing, the priest says “wash me of my iniquities cleans me of my sins” This reminds me of Pontius Pilate when he washed his hands of Jesus trying to be innocent. The doors open, heaven light is showing and the angels sing Holy, Holy Holy. The awareness is growing, my willingness more accepting but my worthiness sinks as the bread is being concentrated. All glory and honor is Yours all mighty Father. How I can't love I am thinking, then we share peace; I will try to let go of any transgressions, a start to believing I am worthy, but I still don’t feel worth because I reflect on the garden of Eden, the Passion and my personal sins. Lord I am not worthy to receive you but only say the words and my soul will be healed. Before mass was confession, but I still need to be dragged to the Eucharist. I will try to focus and try to make everyone around me invisible and the invisible visible, walking with reverent steps, I peak up from a bow and the tabernacle is empty.  He has risen! I can't judge good or bad I must just love, judging is not in my nature, love is what God is.   I am holding the Fruit of this mystery in my hands;  I heard the angels are Jealous when I receive the Eucharist, probably because I don’t adore properly; my angel my guardian dear please guide me. The tabernacle closes I sit the priest still stands, we pray a final blessing to help me get though the rest of the day. I am blessed, mass has ended then I pray with thanks.